Arts & Culture News
Paintings, films, music -- these are all arts of some kind. Fortunately, we've included culture in this category, too, which means you can read about non-boring stuff like reality TV shows and celebrities. Did you ever notice how only jerks like art?
Whether you're a snob or just a regular person, you'll find plenty to read about by clicking any year below.
2010 (new stories appear first)
- Musician Struggles To Explain 5/4 Time Signature To Girlfriend
- Despite 1TB Of iTunes Music, Local Man Still Has Same Songs Stuck In His Head
- Ghost Of J.D. Salinger To Sue, Haunt Any Paper That Publishes News Of Reclusive Writer's Death
- Friends Help Parents Struggle Through Son's Rock Band's First Concert
2009 (listed alphabetically)
- 30 Year-Old Just Now Getting Into Punk
- 'America's Got Restraint' To Debut On ABC
- Americans Shocked To Remember That Gay Singer Adam Lambert Is Gay
- Area Man Fucking Hates The Opera
- Area Man Just Won't Stop Talking About The Holocaust
- Children Worry That Sexagenarian Rockers Are Negatively Influencing Parents
- Chris Brown Allegedly Assaults, Rapes Richard Simmons
- Famous Salesman Billy Mays' Death: Genuine, Or Elaborate Pitch For New 'OxyCoffin' Product?
- Fans Of Reunited Band Plead With Them To Not Release New Album
- Farrah Fawcett Disappointed At Heavenly Reception; Angels, Saints Distracted By King Of Pop
- Generous Bartender Gives Back To Kids By Spiking Shirley Temples
- Hipsters Desperately Seek New Anachronism To Claim As Own
- Hollywood Vows To Honor John Hughes' Death With Shitty Remakes Of His Movies
- Hospital: Injured Aging Rock Star Can't Be Put Back Together Again, Will Remain 'In Multiple Pieces'
- Jungle Fever Mistaken For Racial Tolerance
- Kanye West Dies In Ballooning Publicity Stunt Gone Wrong
- Obama Calls Singer Taylor Swift A 'Jackass'
- Man Makes Bachelor Party Members Uncomfortable By Referring To Stripper's 'Breasts'
- Members Of Faith No More Tribute Band Surprised Band Hasn't Helped Them Get Laid
- Miss USA Contestant Earns Praise For Bravely Admitting Stupid Views
- New American Idol Promises To Cut Deficits, Balance Budget
- Pink Floyd Fan Discovers That 'Dark Side Of The Moon' Lines Up With 'Animals'
- Producers Scramble To Cast, Film 'Friday The 13th' Follow-Up After Realizing March 13th Also A Friday This Year
- 'Slumdog' Wins Eight Oscars; Entire Subcontinent Suddenly Gets An Attitude
- Tiger Woods: 'My Family Encouraged Me To Be An Adulterer And They Are Thrilled'
- TV Reporter Dies From Exposure To Cold In Exposé Of Cold Front
- 'Twilight' Party Ruined By Visit From Actual, Non-Sexy Vampire; Six Found (Un)Dead
- Washington, D.C. Approves Gay Marriage Bill, Embraces Evil Deity Shub-Niggurath
- World Prepares For Entertainer Martin Jackson's Memorial Services
- World's Most Average Man Discovered
2006-2008 (listed alphabetically)
- Abstinence, Birth Control Given Up For Lent
- Aging Indie Rock Fan Criticized For Resting On Laurels Of Past Successes
- Americans Not Sure What They Are Celebrating, But It's Definitely Not Christmas Or Chanukah
- Angelina Jolie Adopts Cruise's Baby
- Argument Makes Man Realize His Musical Tastes Are Wrong
- Baby Suri Hates You, Wants You Dead
- Band Bursts On To Scene With New MySpace Account
- Bar Manages To Stay Hip By Continuously Raising Prices
- Christian Leaders Say Halloween Costumes 'Too Sexy,' Call For Return To Old-Fashioned Demonic Costumes
- Concert Audience Suspected Of Using Performance-Enhancing Drugs
- DC Comics Unveils New 'Retarded' Superhero
- 'Dog Bible' Contains No Mention Of Canine Jesus
- Druids And Pagans Worry That Original Meaning Of Winter Solstice Feast Is Being Lost
- Frank Gehry-Inspired Parking Lot Design Causes Controversy
- Friends Confused About Man's Defense Of Kevin Costner
- Heavy Rains Bring Bad Poetry, Stupid Blog Entries
- Humorists Vow Not To Make Light Of 'Croc Hunter's' Death
- Jesus Helps Woman Buy Car
- Jesus Returns, Can Not Afford To Drive Anywhere
- Katrina Anniversary Brings Fierce Debate Over Pronunciation Of 'New Orleans'
- Man Relieved To Not Be Famous
- Man's Taste In Interior Design And Fashion Reflects Interest In Eastern Culture, Money
- Mardi Gras Expected To Draw Crowds, Encourage God To Smite City Again
- Mel Gibson: Christianity Causes DUIs, Anti-Semitism
- Mother's Day Brings Temporary Stop To "Yo Momma" Jokes
- Musicians Take Controversial, Risky Anti-War Stance
- New Fall TV Lineup Includes 'CSI: The White House'
- O.J. Simpson Would Have Stabbed Girlfriend To Death And Worn Black Gloves 'If I'd Done it,' He Says
- Paris Hilton Arrested; Millions Prepare Shitty, Predictable Jokes
- Performer Projects Cover Band Philosophy Into Stand-up Comedy
- 'Posthumous Promotions' Serves Artists Not Expecting Recognition While Alive
- Racist Comment Diluted By Use Of Politically Correct Terminology
- Religious Folks, Literati Can't Wait To Not See 'Da Vinci Code'
- Search For America's Next Biggest Fucking Shitter Begins
- Star Jones' Head Shrinking Faster Than Rest Of Body
- Teen Ponders How Soon After Grandma's Funeral Is Proper To Masturbate Again
- Ugly Man Constantly Surrounded By Ugly People
- Weekend Punctuated With Shower, Observation Of Cats
- White People Protect Minorities' Rights, Won't Sell Them Christmas Trees
- Woman Watches Jeopardy To Hone Sense Of Importance
- You Only Read This Article Because It Mentions Hot Lesbian Latina Sex
2005 (listed alphabetically)
- Area Man Celebrates St. Patrick's Day With Alcohol Poisoning, Death
- 'Arrested Development' To Be Cancelled; Is Not Stupid, Retarded Enough For Primetime Television
- Band Needs Only Shitload of Equipment To Make It Big, Band Says
- Britney Spears Pregnant With Loose Clumps Of Crude Genetic Material
- 'Child Molester' Most Popular Costume Of Halloween 2005
- Christian Youth Leader Preaches 'Cool' Aspects Of Abstinence With 'Make Pizza, Not Love' Campaign
- Country Music Rallies To U.S. Aid, Declares War On Things
- Creationists, Darwinists Compromise, Create New Shit Religion
- Creationists Evolving At Alarming Speed
- Dismissed Michael Jackson Jurors Sign Book Deals
- Heat Wave Makes Air-Conditioned Nightmare More Tolerable
- Holy Father Leaves Unholy Mess In Bathroom
- Jackson Acquitted; Verdict Was Primarily 'Due To Whiteness', Says Jesse Jackson
- Jackson Cites 'Child Molesting' As Chief Reason For Court Tardiness
- Jesus Takes Away Man's Sin, Man Asks For It Back
- Keanu Reeves Set To Play Terri Schiavo In Biopic
- Lifetime Network Viewers Anxiously Await Next Celebrity Murder
- Live 8 Raises Awareness Of World's Need For Pink Floyd Reunion
- Martha Stewart Struggles To Make It On The Outside
- McCartney Warned About Possible Lewd Super Bowl Performance
- Media Shocker: Cast Of 'Queer Eye' Entirely Gay
- Musician Blames Graduation For Ruined Musical Career, Life
- New Orleans Lootings, Shootings Likely Caused By 'Grand Theft Auto', Say Experts
- New Pope Chosen, Laughs Maniacally
- People Dance, Sing Along To Songs About War, Child Support
- Pitt, Aniston Split Officially Ends U.S. Concern About Asian Tsunami
- Pope Media Coverage Continues; Local Band 'The Popes' Quietly Changes Name
- Pregnant Woman Going Around Like She's Britney Spears Or Something
- Teen Blogger Shocked To Find Parents, Other People Read Her Blog
- Thomas Kinkade Announces Ownership Of Christmas
- Uncreative Woman Believes Creativity-Lauding Slogans Justify Messy House
- VH1 Builds Time Machine, Will Produce 'I Love The...' Specials From Future
- Waiter Drops It Like It's Hot, Sued By Rapper
- White-Bearded Men Prepare For Final Christmas Onslaught
2004 (listed alphabetically)
- AIDS Causes Porno Industry To Grind To A Halt; Situation Deemed 'Worst U.S. Crisis Ever'
- Alcoholic Constantly Mentions Famous Alcoholics
- Audience Member Doubles As Back-Up Vocalist
- Awards Show Awarding Awards Shows Announced
- Britney Spears Weds Plaster Wall In Surprise Ceremony
- Chicago Band So Progressive That Everyone Hates Them
- Concerned Alabama County Protests Against 'Dangerous Punk Rocker' Avril Lavigne
- 'Fahrenheit 9/11' To Release; Bush Excitedly Prepares For 'Movie Star Life'
- Gibson's 'Passion of Christ' Could Be Confused With Earlier, Pornographic Film, Cautions Jesus
- 'Home Alone' Star Culkin Blames Drug Habit On Constantly-Vacationing, Neglectful Parents
- Howard Stern Fined For Baring Breast On Air
- Image-Conscious Michael Jackson Goes For 'Non-Insane' Look At Friday Court Hearing
- Jackson Innocent, Say Fans Who Have No Knowledge Of The Case Whatsoever
- Jesus Indicted In Jackson Case For Supplying Alcoholic 'Jesus Juice' To Minors
- Judge Makes Decision To Have Courtney Love Put Down
- Local Man Claims Being 'Totally Not Into' Porn, Concerns Friends
- Lone Non-Hypocritical Conservative Barricades Both Gay Marriage Ceremony And Vegas Wedding Chapel
- Man Attempting To Watch TV Encounters 'Weird Easter Shit'
- Man Horrified To Discover Cool-Sounding Song Is Actually Christian Rock
- Man Mistakenly Believes Saying Lines Along With Movies Is Cool And Interesting
- Man Refers To Thanksgiving As 'Turkey Day', Is Ousted From Family
- Man Upset After Hearing Loser Listen To Hendrix
- Music Collector Has Rare Copy Of His Band's First Demo
- Nine Year-Old Pianist Tired Of Playing Hit Song For Family Audience
- Olson Twins Turn 18, Are Assaulted By 19 Million Perverts And Geeks Simultaneously
- Other Pedophiles Angry At Jackson's 'High-Profile' Treatment
- Paris Hilton's Father Enters Porno Market With Tape Of His Own
- Performance By 'Satan's Blood' In High School Battle Of Bands Doesn't Go Over Well
- Pop Star Tells Audience 'You're Wonderful', Means 'I'm Wonderful'
- Rick 'Super Freak' James Found Dead In Disappointingly Normal Circumstances
- Town's 'Crystal Meth Daze' Celebration Fails To Draw Expected Turnout
2003 (listed alphabetically)
- Christians Prepare Release Of 'Harry Potter And The Preacher Who Saved Him'
- God Begins Work On 'The Bible II: Lost In New York'
- God's New Stuff Sucks, Says Pat Robertson
- Man Accepts Jesus Into His Heart, Has Heart Attack
- Radio Station Forgets To 'Bleep' Obscenity; Society Ends
- Rapper C-Murder Unsurprisingly Convicted Of Murder
- Second Mix CD For Girlfriend Lacks Poignancy, Coherency Of Original
2000-2002 (listed alphabetically)
- Abstinence, Birth Control Given Up For Lent
- Band Becomes Popular, Loses Area Man As Fan
- Correct Religion Revealed
- More archived material coming soon -- check back often!
