Man Makes Bachelor Party Members Uncomfortable By Referring To Stripper's 'Breasts'
What was meant to be a light-hearted fun time of ogling strange women at a bachelor party took an awkward turn this past Thursday evening, when one of the attendees repeatedly complimented one of the stripper's "sweet, sensual breasts".
"Those are some hot breasts!" exclaimed Dan Fulmer, the 42-year-old unmarried cousin of the soon-to-be groom, Roger Astin. "What a sexy mama!"
"Man, do you think she, like, even knows how good her breasts are?" Fulmer continued, as Astin and others put their heads in their hands. "Excuse me, miss? Has anyone ever told you that you have hot breasts?"
Before eventually being told by Astin to either leave or just call them tits, god damnit, Fulmer also asked the stripper if she had ever given herself a breast exam, and if she "ever had any kids to use those breasts on".
The stripper, Margaret Samuels, later said that she will never strip again.
"Being objectified by a mixture of married and almost-married men is one thing, but I just couldn't take the way that man spoke to me," she said with a shudder. "He was just so...inappropriate."
Samuels then asked our reporter if she could be paid for her interview time if she displayed her breasts.
Astin says that Fulmer has always been "a little strange", and that his behavior at the bachelor party was not entirely unsurprising.
"I only invited him because I feel bad for him, because he never gets out and does anything, because he's constantly saying weird shit that makes people hate him, like I do right now," Astin fumed. "Once, when we were kids, I had him use a fake I.D. to go buy beer for us, and he said, 'I'll be back in half a jiff!' He's lucky he got the beer, or I would've kicked his ass six ways from Sunday for that shit."
Friends and family have tried to coach Fulmer to use language and idioms that make him seem more normal, but to little avail.
"For example, I told him to just use a curse word in place of any other bizarre fuckery that he might say," explained Astin, "but all he does with that advice is ruin some of my favorite swears, like when he says 'God diggity damn it'. Ugh."
For his part, Fulmer says he doesn't think there's anything wrong with how he speaks, and that he wishes Astin would cut him a diggity damn break sometimes.
"I don't see why they pick on me for a few words, especially since I didn't say anything when his breast man had his crotch on the stripper's chest!" he said, chuckling. "Get it?"
