Conservationists Fear Dwindling Park Space Reduces Places Kids Can Safely Get High

Pictured: one coworker angrily tries to understand the pay phone.

U.S. News, 07/13/10 - In a letter to the Obama administration published today, naturalists expressed a growing concern that chronic reduction of the nation's parks and open spaces is limiting the safe areas that America's children have to go and get stoned.

"For decade, our nation's youth could count on a darkened baseball diamond or picnic ground when they wanted to smoke a bowl safely," read the letter. | Read more

Pictured: one coworker angrily tries to understand the pay phone.

Area Man's Use Of Pay Phone Angers, Confuses Coworkers

U.S. News, 07/11/10 - Local man Allen Withrow became the subject of ridicule and the focus of extreme anger this past Friday, when he used a non-cellular fee-based public telephone device -- or "pay phone" -- to make a personal call. | Read more

Pictured: James telegraphed his move by wearing a red uniform -- a color in the Barons' logo.

James Announces Plan To Follow In Jordan's Footsteps, Play For Birmingham Barons Minor League Squad

Sports News, 07/08/10 - The two-time league MVP used a three hour TV special to say that his time with the AA ball team will begin immediately. | Read more

Pictured: Sen. Robert Byrd.

Anti-Incumbent Sentiment In Washington Kills Senator Robert Byrd

Politics News, 06/28/10 - Senator Robert Byrd (D-WV) became the most recent casualty of this election year when he died this morning. | Read more

Pictured: us, answering your letters.

Your Letters Answered: June 17, 2010

Letters, 06/17/10 - Another letters update? That makes two in one month! What the hell is this, some kind of operational website? Top scientists are working on the answer. Anyway, let's see what you have to say! | Read more

Pictured: an artist's conception of what a typical Afghan citizen might look like.

U.S. Identifies Deposits Of Unobtainium In Afghanistan

World News, 06/16/10 - U.S. and Afghan officials claim to have discovered more than $1,000 trillion in untapped unobtainium deposits in Afghanistan, far beyond any previously known reserves. | Read more

Pictured: an artist's conception of the new hero.

BP Points Out That Oil Spill Could Give Rise To Toxic Avenger Style Superhero

U.S. News, 06/14/10 - A BP spokesperson reminded journalists that the cult classic hero Toxic Avenger arose out of toxic waste -- a close cousin of oil. | Read more

Pictured: a reenactment of Richardson's feat.

Area Man Definitely Counting That Walk To The Mailbox As Today's Exercise

Health News, 06/10/10 - The 230 pound Richardson reported feeling "winded, but fufilled" after the postal excursion, which took upwards of 100 seconds. | Read more

Recent Features:

Popular Stories:

Even More Shit:



The Beast

RSS Feed

Paying The Bills: