Science & Technology News
Science seeks to answer the questions that religion can't, but religion has already provided us with the answer to everything. Still, science persists, serving a small role as a funny curiosity to pass the time until we are all taken back to Heaven.
If for some reason you are still interested in this heathen endeavor, learn more by clicking any year below.
2010 (new stories appear first)
2009 (listed alphabetically)
- Apple Posts Record Revenue; Fans, Shareholders Demand iPhasers, iWarpDrives
- April Fools'! Conficker Worm Struck Yesterday, Already Has Your Passwords, Credit Card Numbers
- Archeologists Discover Treasure Trove Of Pre-2003 Pornography On Ancient Laptop
- Area Man Realizes Technology Still No Substitute For Masturbation
- Area Man Shocked To Discover Different Points Of View On The Internet
- Blog Started
- California Plans To Censor Teh Internets
- Critic Of Social Networking Websites Realizes He Has MySpace, Facebook, LinkedIn Accounts
- Fat People Poised To Become Hugely Dominant
- Feeding Monkeys Drugs: A Good Or Bad Idea?
- Hubble Telescope Repaired; Now Has Own Twitter Feed, Facebook Page
- Jupiter's Red Spot Shrinking Due To Vehicle Emissions, Say Environmentalists
- Large, Horrifying Sea Kittens Attack, Eat Humans
- Scientists Discover Obnoxious Four-Year-Old Who May Hold Key To Preventing Overpopulation
- Used-Car-Driving, Non-Property-Owning, Unmarried Man Somehow Happy; Experts Baffled
2006-2008 (listed alphabetically)
- Activists Say Astronomical Ruling Could Give Unfair Advantage To Larger Planets
- Heat Wave 2006 Special Report: Did The Government Do Enough To Protect Public From The Sun?
- Hitler's Speeches Fast Outpacing Mel Gibson As Top-Downloaded Ringtones
- Last Working Gas Station Bathroom On Earth Discovered, Used
- Man Possesses Uncanny Ability To Convince People That He Is Wrong
- Man Purchases iPod To Drown Out Noise From Other iPods
- Man's Real Life Not Nearly As Exciting As Internet Life
- NASA Experiences Worst PR Disaster Since Buzz Aldrin-Neil Armstrong 1969 Gay Weekend Getaway
- Nation Struggles To Give A Shit About Astronauts
- Record-Breaking Winter Causes Gore To Rescind Global Warming Message
- Report Finds Some Chili Would Be Fucking Awesome Right Now
- Researchers Find Average Minds More Apt To Think Alike Than Great Minds
- Savvy Visual Aid Helps Pre-Teen Mothers Avoid Throwing Babies Away
- Scientists Marvel At Abundance Of Life In Local Man's Inhospitable Apartment
- Updates Ready For Computer
2005 (listed alphabetically)
2004 (listed alphabetically)
- Apple Announces Next-Gen Mac Will Be Able To Kill User
- Area Man Blinded With Science
- Governor Schwarzenegger Protests NASA Mars Mission Due To 'Dangerous Mutants And Dictators'
- LiveJournal User Upset That No One Took His Suicidal Poetry Seriously
- Mainstream Tech Article 'Fraught With Errors', Say Enraged Nerds
- Man Labeled 'Winner!' Via Pop-Up Ad Did Not Actually Win Anything
- Millions Of Stupid People Preparing To Mate
- Tarot Deck Accurately Predicts 1974
- Woman Shocked To Find That Unsolicited Email Attachment Was Actually Virus
2003 (listed alphabetically)
- Abandoned Robot Pets Pose Threat To New York Suburb
- Advertiser Shocked To Learn Pop-up Ads Are Annoying
- Impressive Email Solicitation For Internet University Intrigues Harvard Law School
- Nokia Unveils 'Tin Can and String' Network
- 'Sniper Hole' No Longer Option On Chevy Autos
- Woman Likes To Add Extra Click On Computer
2000-2002 (listed alphabetically)
- Daily Apple Fails To Repel Doctor
- More archived material coming soon -- check back often!
