Recognizing Fradulent News Reports: What Can YOU Do?
Recently, many were shocked to learn that prominent USA Today reporter Jack Kelley completely made up "substantial portions of at least eight stories", according to a CNN report on the matter. Combined with last year's news of a New York Times writer fabricating plenty of news stories of his own, there is an alarming dilemma we have to face here: how do we know the news we read is real? Luckily, The Enduring Vision has some tips that will have you covered.
- Avoid articles containing words "bootylicious", "fucktastic", "barf-o-rama"
Most real news reporters will avoid using language like this in their articles, although a few real ones do.
- Recognize illogical statements like "The President then flew off to his second house on one of Jupiter's rings"
An informed reader is a smart reader -- realize that some things, for various reasons, just cannot happen.
- Verify news with wife, who has time to sit at home on her lazy ass all day and watch CNN
Maybe if she got a god damned job she wouldn't know, but as it stands now, your good-for-nothing woman will probably have a keen idea on what's going on in the world.
- Do not obtain news from supermarket tabloids
This may seem like a smart idea because you are getting news you don't have to pay for, but surprisingly, many of the news stories found in tabloids are actually false.
- Be wary of articles concerning President Bush winning intellectual awards or pronouncing words greater than two syllables
This tip falls under a previous one -- don't believe things that couldn't happen.
- Avoid articles written by The Hamburglar, Chuck E. Cheese, Martha Stewart
All of these authors are either fictional characters, or have a history of lying, or both.
- Watch "Early Edition"
This fascinating TV show about a newspaper that predicts the future will remind you that sometimes, articles aren't fabricated -- they just haven't happened yet.
- Make up own news
If it's false, you have no-one to blame but yourself, liar.
- Say wisely, "Sometimes truth really is stranger than fiction."
After making this statement, shake your head in vague disappointment and walk away.
- Avoid watching the Fox News Channel
All of these news stories are fake.
