Sports News
Sports are the only useful thing our modern civilizations have retained from primitive times. When viewing a sporting event, or "match", stop to think about the many things that sport has taught you. If you can't think of anything, you are a nerd.
We cover almost no sports, but you can read about the few times we did by clicking any year below.
2010 (new stories appear first)
2009 (listed alphabetically)
- After Ravaging Samoa, Tsunami Gets Ass Kicked By Pittsburgh Steeler Troy Polamalu
- Cleveland Indians Claim World Series Victory By Proxy Via Ex-Players
- Cleveland Put On Suicide Watch
- Lions Hoping For Kooky Training Montage To Take Them To Super Bowl
- Michael Vick Somehow Refrains From Murdering Puppies On Football Field
- Michael Phelps Apologizes For Marijuana Use, Hobo Murders
- Nerd Alarmed At His Growing Interest In Football
- Super Bowl Was Fixed, Internet Commenters Prove
2006-2008 (listed alphabetically)
- Bush Blames Low Approval Ratings On March Madness
- Earl Woods Dead; Son Tiger 'Finally Free' To Pursue Career As Hairstylist
- French World Cup Fans Hoping For Racial Slur
- Important Volleyball Match Fills In Gap On Slow News Day
- Israel Ties Palestine 0-0 in World Cup; 4,000 Dead
- Man Makes Clever Joke About France Surrendering World Cup
- White-Jerseyed Team Trumps Dark-Jerseyed Team In Racist Super Bowl Upset
2005 (listed alphabetically)
2004 (listed alphabetically)
2003 (listed alphabetically)
- Archived material coming soon -- check back often!
