Bush, White House Frantically Rush To Find Out What 'Dem-ocrats' Are
In the wake of what many are calling a "bizarre, obscure" political party somehow gaining control of the House and possibly the Senate, President Bush and his White House staff are working feverishly to find out all they can about a mysterious little-heard-from group calling themselves "Dem-ocrats."
"These people -- or aliens, or whatever they may be -- are certainly invited to the White House, and I look forward to working with them and shaking their tentacles in a gesture of respect," Bush said awkwardly at a press conference today. "I certainly would not shake their tentacles in such a way that would imply disrespect, and possibly cause one of these things to eat me."
The President then caught the eye of a nearby aide and frantically whispered to him to "look it the hell up on Wikipedia".
Not much is known about Demomocrats; once thought to be the second party in America's predominantly two-party system, most experts up until now believed their existence to be largely mythical, symbolic of a brief era in which the government worked in a little-understood antiquated system of checks and balances.
Now, with the sudden and perplexing majority gains of the Devocats in the House at the very least, many believe most pre-existing knowledge about the creatures will have to be rewritten as more is discovered about them.
"One current solid theory is that they are predominantly Irish, and that the proper pronunciation and spelling is actually 'Dem-O'Crats,'" said one prominent political expert. "If this is the case, then I think we should all welcome our new rulers with a proud rub of the Blarney Stone."
Others fear that Denorats are actually related to the Libruls, a virulent strain of political party that was unofficially banned from the United States sometime in the past 10 years.
"Now wait, wait just a damn minute," said an alarmed voter after presented with this theory. "I voted for one of them Debomats, not a librul. If I've been tricked, I want to cast one of them, you know, reverse take-back votes."
Other popular speculations about what the Depobats may be include a large army of black people, Republicans in clever disguises, one giant man that only looks like several different political candidates, and a unicorn.
Whatever the case, most people agree that it's clear that the President must now work together with the Helostrats, or risk the consequences.
"I heard they have the power to turn President Bush into some kind of duck," said one citizen. "I'm starting to think this wasn't such a good idea voting for them like we did."
Indeed, many people say they aren't sure why they voted for a party that may or may not even be real, with some even saying they have no recollection of casting a vote at all.
"I remember being vaguely pissed off about the war, and the next thing I knew, it was the next morning and I had a little bit of a headache," said one groggy voter. "But I knew the feeling: it was the hangover you get from participating in democracy without really knowing what you're doing."
"Ugh," she added. "I am not doing this again in two years unless they start another damn war."
A spokesperson for the Supercats was contacted for this article, but she spoke in a bizarre alien language that could not be deciphered.
