Surviving A Volcano: What Can YOU Do?
With Mount St. Helens showing signs that it may erupt within the next 24 hours, many Washington residents may be wondering what precautions they can take in the event of a magma attack. Other residents in other states may be planning ahead as well, since volcanoes can grow out of the Earth's crust in practically no time at all. Fortunately, The Enduring Vision has everyone covered.
- Rapidly throw ice cubes into lava flow
After three or four cubes, the hot magma should cool into a solid sheet of ice. Bonus: use this newly-formed ice as a fun slip-and-slide.
- Sing Police classic "Don't Stand So Close To Me"
Volcanoes, like all things in the universe, must obey Sting.
- Quickly have sex
This will do nothing to stop the lava, but at least you'll get laid before your skin is burned from your bones.
- Using surfboard, ride lava to new land
The lava doesn't have to be a bad thing -- think of it as an excuse to explore the world. Note: your surfboard will be impervious to the lava somehow.
- Watch "Dante's Peak"
This fascinating movie about James Bond escaping the wrath of a volcano will show you that no matter what anybody says, the "natural disaster movie" craze of the mid-90's was a terrible thing indeed.
- Make own volcano using clay, baking soda, and vinegar
By studying this classic science experiment, you'll be able to better understand how to dodge the real lava. Note: real molten rock may inflict more damage than baking soda-vinegar mixture.
- Create attractive female volcano costume
By posing as a sexy girl volcano, you'll be able to trick the volcano into a trap you set up beforehand, such as a large cage or a cliff for him to walk off of.
- Bake several mincemeat pies
Although magma enjoys eating rocks and grass, its true favorite is a good old mincemeat pie. Place a trail of them anywhere you don't want lava to flow.
- Pour large amounts of sugar on lava to give it diabetes
This will not kill the lava, but will ensure it has an irritating life of watching its diet and injecting itself with insulin.
- Wear red
Lava cannot burn anything that is its own color. How do you think Santa Claus has survived all this time?
